I just bought myself a Marc by Marc Jacobs pouch for topping the poly cohort for year 1 heehehee
now I feel like abusing using the excuse to buy more expansive things on top of that.. cause the pouch is so small (trololol)

no... maybe I should wait till next year when I do well for year 2 too... then I shall drop by club 21b and burn the money out of my wallet.

 somehow, i stopped thinking that when it's the coming of age, like the age of 18, it meant the privilege of watching M18 movies, or of entering clubs and bars, or taking A levels, or being more of a adult on the surface. actually, it wasn't much of an excitement to watch movies nor to go out drinking, nothing changes when the clock strikes your birth date. just that indifference. To me, growing older means feeling the weight of decisions that were made and have to be made, there are so many opportunities out there, consequences, choices, emotions. 
somehow when i was about to dig into my mind about where my interests lie, I stop silently.
And realised that all I had was a wavering heart. the ground below me disintegrating, nowhere to stay rooted to, just floating in nothingness.

Somehow my heart dissipated some time between the moment that we said goodbye and the moment i sit here in from of this screen. I could not shake off this fog of heaviness around me. something small has changed somewhere inside of me.

I'm not here anymore.

I used to draw that a long long time ago...

 I enjoy being with people whose presence feels like an extension of myself/ makes me feel at peace.
it is really lovely, to enjoy the silence of the cool night and your company :)

and they were promoting ハチミツとクローバー at the same time~ (y)

 listography.com/9666984847

 it feels quite strange, not training these days and being sick staying at home in front of my laptop all day.
overall, that makes me a lazier person; even my muscles have grown lazier overtime. /sigh
what is wrong with you, Nat?!
get out of the house, spend some money somewhere, draw, paint, make something, start running, use the sewing machine, DO SOMETHING